That awesome moment when....

You open the dryer and it's empty.  

Unfortunately, that was not the case this morning... 

Now...if you'll excuse me, I'll be folding laundry for the next eight hours.

A mom without preferred parking

PREFERRED PARKING- Not sure if words are necessary for this one.  See below.  And THANK YOU to companies that offer this- specifically the ShopRite in Garwood, NJ.  Because of you, I was actually able to feed my family during the last few months of my pregnancy.  

A mom without humility

HUMILITY- ok, so back when I had infinite amounts of spare time and was in a book (booze) club with my girlfriends we read Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project" (translation: back before I had kids when I had the time to read for pleasure and discuss aforementioned reads over copious amounts of wine I read a book that lacked relevancy in my life of leisure and loose responsibility).

Truth is, the booked rubbed me the wrong way.  I'm pretty "type A", so I could understand some challenges of juggling it all, but ultimately, the author seemed "type A" to the annoying extreme ("Splendid Truths", resolution charts...seriously??).  So, being the open-minded, far-sighted, enlightened, young, independent, empathetic, professional I was- the one with no other responsibility than to show up to work in between social obligations with my friends and occasionally doing so while nursing a mild hangover (not a baby)- I wrote a post about how silly this book was (read it here).

Ok, fast forward to now, like, this very second, with an eight month old who is precariously pulling up on a piece of #IKEA furniture that should definitely be nailed to a wall (or at least covered in foam padding) and a toddler who is incessantly repeating in a monotone voice, "mama, I fell", as he choreographs his elaborate stumble over his younger brother's learning walker for the third time.  Here I am, hunched over my iPhone clicking away on this post because I just need something that is my own...

HOLY HELL I GET IT!!  I SURRENDER!  I'M SORRY!! UNCLE!!

As a firm believer in "karmama"(more on that in a future post- but in a nutshell, I judged unfairly and now I'm paying the price!), I honestly feel like I am more acutely aware of just how important my happiness is!  I love my kids and they are my priority- so much so that they come before me (sometimes even before my most basic and essential needs- bathroom breaks, doctors' appts, eating, independence...).  I criticized the authors strategic planning for happiness; her, and I quote, "business-related presentation- using a formulaic strategy that required preparation, forethought, and action."

But I understand now that, as a mom, it is a business I run and if I don't prioritize, if I don't implement a formulaic strategy than I'll be ruined (along with the family and household I run).  If I don't add a bit of forethought- hire a sitter and schedule the cleaners and do things that I know, down the road, will bring me independence and freedom, then I will collapse under the heaviness of SAHM-hood. 

This post serves as an apology to you, Ms. Rubin, and as a reminder to myself to a) don't judge unless I've walked a mile in your shoes (or ratty #Uggs slippers in my case) and b) to find the time to re-read "The Happiness Project" through the lens of my current role, mom, and to brush up on the lessons that you so eloquently and formulaically outlined for us.

A mom without time

TIME- so before these baby things came around, I used to have the time to actually put on make up before leaving the house. In fact, I even had a blog with a beauty angle...how times have changes!!

Nowadays, the idea of putting on make up seems like WAY too much work.  Especially putting on mascara.  Not only because putting on make up in the morning means that I actually have to wash my face at night, but once you add mascara, that's another dimension of responsibility, adding an entire step- eye make up remover.

Regardless, there are actually some days I have the energy to put myself together, but I lack the time.  

Below are three mommy make up hacks I've discovered. Do you have any to add?

1. For hair that gets washed once a week (maybe)- Baby Powder (also great for roots- because if I'm only washing my hair once a week you can imagine how frequently I'm actually get my hair done ;)

2. For eyeshadow, Aquaphor.  While I'm sure it's off-label to use this as a cosmetic, dabbing a bit on your eye lids adds shine and shimmer that makes you appear well-rested.

3. Lip gloss- I've been using Vaseline as lip gloss long before I was using it as barrier cream.

The best part is I can do all of this "make uping" mid diaper change :). Can you add to this list?

A mom without certainty

Sometimes people ask me if we will go for a third and, quite frankly I haven't had enough wine to think about it seriously.  

I am jealous of those women who seem to be so sure that they want two, three, four kids....how are they so certain or how can they see through the excruciatingly exhausting baby days???

It makes me wish I could be more definitive.  And, 23.5 hours of everyday, I usually am, but then a post like this comes across my social feeds and I think, "you know what, let's do it"....moments later a baby is awake with swollen gums and the one-glass-of-wine buzz disappears along with the CRAZY thought of having another.

http://suburbanturmoil.com/the-last-one-3/2014/02/20/ 

A mom without DVR

DVR- What do you get when you marry the stomach bug to a snow day?  Curious George on repeat!  

K, k, k....here's another one! What do you get when your 2.5yo refuses to take a nap? Curious George on repeat!

Ok, one more....What do you get when you actually need to accomplish something, say dinner, while supervising a toddler and an eight month old?  Curious George on repeat!!

No, but seriously...

Sincerely,

That mom who swore she'd never let her kids watch Curious George on repeat

A mom without hand sanitizer

HAND SANITIZER- maybe it's because we are at the tail end of a horrific stomach bug and just about the only thing helping my peace of mind is the strategically placed hand sanitizers around my home that I use religiously between equally as frequent soap and water washes- but seriously how did moms maintain their peace of mind before hand sanitizers??  I know hand sanitizer is no substitute for good old fashion hand washing, but when we are constantly on the go or attempting to feed kids with a baby in one hand, just a little squirt gives me the peace of mind needed to balance out the guilt I feel for feeding my children french fries and TGIF jalapeño poppers for dinner.

Essential hand sanitizing station 

A mom without a Dust Buster

DUST BUSTER- Because when your toddler actually asks for kale, you'll give it to him in any way, shape or form!  

Kale-tastrophe!  

A mom without Sitter City

SITTERCITY- Babysitters aren't really the types of things you "share".  Sure, if you've decided that, on second thought, you prefer Mary over Sarah, you might share Sarah's contact information with your friends- you know, so long as at the end of the day she isn't a sociopath.

As someone who started her family in an urban area, you know, the play-in-the-park by-day-but-don't-walk-through-the-park-by-night sort of urban area.  It wasn't exactly the kind of place you bump into a high school neighbor to see if she wants to make a couple a bucks while the kids sleep.

I needed someone to watch our son for date nights but I also really needed someone so I could get a morning to myself just to go to the dentist, get groceries, etc.  I met so many qualified people on SitterCity.com.  Sure, there were some not-so-qualified sorts too.. "Your listing said you don't smoke...so do you just choose to bathe in Febreeze because you like the way it smells?"

As a new mom who didn't have a ton of opportunities to track down potential sitters, having a list of potential options at my finger tips was great.  Seeing reviews helped guide me in the right direction.  And with any in-home hire, the individuals references helped to seal the deal (ok, that, and the background check option).

A mom without music

MUSIC- ok, so I realize music has been around since, well, the beginning of time.  But not the kind of "on demand" iTunes, Spotify, Pandora type music.  Like, non-stop, commercial free music.

This is a silly post today because I realize music isn't rocket science nor is it some "must-have" mommy gadget that will suddenly make parenting a breeze, BUT, today when my toddler wanted to dance (love when he asks this vs, say, let's watch Curious Jorge for the bazzillionth time), I threw on some music and he "got down" toddler style.  The music stayed on while I did the dishes and cut up strawberries.  The music went from dance party to heartwarming folky (think, "Make This Place Your Home" by Phillip Phillips).  It provided a really sweet soundtrack to the daily monotony that is my life, changing my often "sigh-worthy" activities into something a little more, hmmm, sentimental.  Perhaps in the same vein as P&Gs salute to moms commercials #thankyoumom (gets me every time!).  You know, because my kids are totally going to be future Olympians (how else do they plan to afford college?!?).

Baby Tupperware hockey training with a little Bruno Mars in the background.

A mom without a shovel

SHOVEL- another non-generational dilemma but seriously...This snow!  I'm over it!  I love me a good storm...really.  I do.  But with the husband at work an hour away, a stomach bug that has past from mom to toddler (sorry bubby), and threats of power outages...NO THANKS!

Stay warm northeasterns (actually, east coaster in general!).

A mom without sick days

Ok, not really a generational thing.  Moms don't get sick days.  Bottom line.  Unless you're a working mom with help who, during the throws of an apocalyptic stomach virus, has enough wit to keep the help and high-tail it up to bed as soon as she arrives or once the kids are safely at daycare #sorrynotsorry #workingmomjealousy (and let's proactively squash any mommy wars here- you work, it's hard.  I stay home.  It's hard. #hugitout).

So, Baby and I have the stomach bug.  My toddler just fed our dogs, by hand. Every kibble. Curious George is on a loop (a mom without DVR- I'd die).

Mission #1 today.  Keep the kids alive.  

A mom without an epidural

Epidurals:  I can't even begin to imagine NOT having this!  Like, no...just no. way. High Fives to all the voluntarily unmedicated birthing mamas out there! (wink wink... vodka in your hospital bag?  Is that the secret? No, really, I won't say a word? ...."No" you say?  You really decided to do this thing without being under the influence- other than under the influence of "out of your GD mind").

Ok, fine, seriously, you earned your badge.

Sure, maybe in the fleeting moments of pregnancy bliss I may have thought, "you know what, I.can.do.this." changing my mind immediately following the period at the end of THAT sentence after my heel met the business end of a lego.

So that said, how on earth did women have multiple births before epidurals....because, fine, I'll give a pass to the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing...?

A mom without a smartphone

SMARTPHONES: ok, no, but seriously.  How on earth did you pass the countless night feedings and wake ups without being able to play WWF or, at the very least, google topics like, "when will my beautiful, sweet angel sleep through the GODDAMN night?"

So, pre-smartphone moms, how did you do it?