Wednesday, February 26, 2014:

A mom without humility

HUMILITY- ok, so back when I had infinite amounts of spare time and was in a book (booze) club with my girlfriends we read Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project" (translation: back before I had kids when I had the time to read for pleasure and discuss aforementioned reads over copious amounts of wine I read a book that lacked relevancy in my life of leisure and loose responsibility).

Truth is, the booked rubbed me the wrong way.  I'm pretty "type A", so I could understand some challenges of juggling it all, but ultimately, the author seemed "type A" to the annoying extreme ("Splendid Truths", resolution charts...seriously??).  So, being the open-minded, far-sighted, enlightened, young, independent, empathetic, professional I was- the one with no other responsibility than to show up to work in between social obligations with my friends and occasionally doing so while nursing a mild hangover (not a baby)- I wrote a post about how silly this book was (read it here).

Ok, fast forward to now, like, this very second, with an eight month old who is precariously pulling up on a piece of #IKEA furniture that should definitely be nailed to a wall (or at least covered in foam padding) and a toddler who is incessantly repeating in a monotone voice, "mama, I fell", as he choreographs his elaborate stumble over his younger brother's learning walker for the third time.  Here I am, hunched over my iPhone clicking away on this post because I just need something that is my own...

HOLY HELL I GET IT!!  I SURRENDER!  I'M SORRY!! UNCLE!!

As a firm believer in "karmama"(more on that in a future post- but in a nutshell, I judged unfairly and now I'm paying the price!), I honestly feel like I am more acutely aware of just how important my happiness is!  I love my kids and they are my priority- so much so that they come before me (sometimes even before my most basic and essential needs- bathroom breaks, doctors' appts, eating, independence...).  I criticized the authors strategic planning for happiness; her, and I quote, "business-related presentation- using a formulaic strategy that required preparation, forethought, and action."

But I understand now that, as a mom, it is a business I run and if I don't prioritize, if I don't implement a formulaic strategy than I'll be ruined (along with the family and household I run).  If I don't add a bit of forethought- hire a sitter and schedule the cleaners and do things that I know, down the road, will bring me independence and freedom, then I will collapse under the heaviness of SAHM-hood. 

This post serves as an apology to you, Ms. Rubin, and as a reminder to myself to a) don't judge unless I've walked a mile in your shoes (or ratty #Uggs slippers in my case) and b) to find the time to re-read "The Happiness Project" through the lens of my current role, mom, and to brush up on the lessons that you so eloquently and formulaically outlined for us.




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