Thursday, August 14, 2014:

Baby Boot Camp

Your baby is almost here!!  You've had a successful baby shower that included a diaper cake and a completed registry!  Woop Woop!

So now what?...Baby Boot Camp, that's what!

Here are some (hilarious) strength, agility and flexibility exercises to help you prep for the impending arrival!  I've never been stronger!

Materials:

  • Infant Car Seat
  • 8-12lb "baby" body double (or family pet)
  • Cumbersome, *but trendy*, stroller


Strength:

  1. Hold open your storm door and unlock front door while carrying your infant car seat with "baby"
  2. Lift infant car seat with "baby" into car and accurately attached to adapter 
  3. Now lift infant car seat and "baby" out of adapter
  4. While holding car seat with "baby" search for lost car keys in a deep and cluttered diaper bag
  5. Using proper squatting technique, lift "baby" off of playmat and up to chest
  6. Again, using proper squatting technique, hold "baby" at chest and sit in glider
  7. Remove stroller from back of car and unfold (without help...which includes YouTube)
  8. Fold stroller and place into back of car (without help...which includes YouTube)


Flexibility:

  1. While sitting in driver's seat, reach around and attempt to touch the the top of "baby's" head (repeat with pacifiers, bottles, and iPads to increase accuracy)
  2. Position TV remote, cell phone, tablet, etc two inches beyond your arm's reach while seated on couch.  With "baby" on chest, attempt to reach TV remote, cell phone, tablet, etc...without disturbing "baby"
  3. Using "baby", simulate a diaper blow out by strategically removing soiled diaper, onsie, and, if we are being totally honest, the diaper pad cover- all while "baby" rests safely on the changing table



Beauty & Style


  1. Stop wearing make up
  2. Stop brushing your teeth (and if you actually floss, stop doing that too)
  3. Stop washing your hair (it might not be so bad)
  4. Wear the same shirt, at a minimum, three days in a row (regardless of appearance and/or odor)

Now repeat!
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