Thursday, August 28, 2014:

My Pre-Parenting To Do List Vs. My Parenting To Do List

7am Wake Up
Wash Hair
Blow Dry
Pick out outfit
Change outfit, heels
Grab coffee
Get to office for 9:30am meeting (who freaking schedules a 9:30am meeting?...)
Get to meeting at 9:35am
9:30am-6pm crank out the projects I've been procrastinating
6pm Casually leave office to meet up for Book Club
Finish book on the way to book club
Stop at ATM
Grab a Mani before book club
Drink wine
Talk about book how busy our days were
Consider a post-book club night cap
Over indulge
Head Home
7am wake up and regret post-book club night cap and wish I had just gone to bed

5:45am Wake Up
Negotiate with toddler to get him to sleep more
Fail negotiations
Find (sort of clean) clothes on bedroom floor
Find matching slippers
Make coffee
Make breakfast
Wipe coffee off the ceiling (note to self: one-year old can now reach the top of high chair tray and send your coffee flying everywhere...including the.freaking.ceiling)
Change a diaper...and pajamas....ugh, and changing pad cover
Change laundry (and curse myself for not emptying the dryer first)
Wipe yogurt off the dogs' backs (notice the plural possessive- that's TWO dogs with yogurt on their TWO backs...)
Intervene in toddler altercation
Threaten a Time Out (or ten)
Watch one episode of Curious George
Realize you're late to gymnastics
Get kids dressed
Get self dressed
Get kids in car
Backout of driveway, back in to driveway (to change out of slippers)
Arrive at gymnastics
Carry 30lb one-year old through obstacle course and zipline
Put sneakers and socks back on toddler and one-year old
Get into car
Return home
Free three year old from car seat
Finagle sleeping one-year old out of car seat
Stealthily open front door
Sneak upstairs with sleeping one-year old before toddler notices you're gone and insists on following you upstairs
Put sleeping one-year old down
Realize you need a shower after "mommy and me" gymnastics
Agree on one Curious George while Mommy showers
Exit shower in time for one-year old to wake up...but by the grace of God, fall back asleep
Get lunch ready for toddler
Feed Toddler
Get one-year old who is now up for good
Put down toddler for nap (one book.  fine...two books.)
Play, engage, stimulate, and bond with one-year old (am I doing this right?)
Prepare dinner
Greet three year old at the bottom of the stairs after nap (or, at the very least, open baby gate)
Try to make dinner with two tiny people around your ankles
Play. Engage. Play. Engage.
Go outside (shoes, shirts, shorts? Fine....I don't care anymore)
Chalk. No, swing set. No, chalk.  Cars.  Balls.  Back to swing set.
Two more minutes and it's time to go in for dinner
Ok, one more minute...
Ok, two more pushes on the swing.
Two more minutes (wait, what was my last warning?)
Ok, inside.  NOW!
Eat (bribe)
Clean up dinner
Bath time
PJ Time
Dad is finally home!!! (Sound the trumpets!)
Mom sneaks away into bedroom for five.freaking.minutes.
Bedtime for kids (two books.  Fine...three books.)
Adult conversation over cold dinner
Bedtime for adults
5:45am wake up and regret adult conversation and wish I had just gone to bed

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